Skunked!
by Werewolf Luver246
Summary: Edward gets back from the worst hunting trip of his life! He ends up skunked and it's up to Jasper and Emmett to get rid of the stink!
1. Skunked

**A/N : Hey! This is my second story. This one's a lot funnier than my first I swear! It's got humor, skunks, Febreeze, Tomato juice and..just read the story. Pairings are usual.**

**Skunked!**

Chapter 1- Skunked

Edward's POV

That was officially the most ludicrous hunting trip I've ever been on! Man! Do I stink? I walked up the porch steps, and through my front door. I stood in the doorway. My family was gathered in the big front room of our house. My brother Emmett was the first to notice the smell.

" Mother of Pearl! Edward you reek!" Emmett whined.

" What happened to you?" Esme asked.

" Well," I began, " I was out hunting, minding my own business, when this cat with a white stripe walks by. Out of the blue, it sprays this gunk all over me!"

Carlisle began laughing, " Umm..Edward, I think that cat was a skunk."

I finally grasped the point, " Wait. If that was a skunk…then that means.."

" EDWARD GOT SKUNKED!" Emmett was rolling on the floor, laughing to the point of tears. Jasper was sitting on the couch reading a book, even he was chuckling under his breath. My sisters, Alice and Rosalie, were standing by the long staircase, trying to contain their laughter.

" Alright!" I was fuming at this point, " If anyone else has any smart and or sarcastic comments lets her them!"

" Maybe you should ask the skunk to spray you with Febreeze next time!" Jasper suggested. Now, if they already weren't, everyone was laughing at me.

" Every one of you can go burp up a sheep!" I yelled. I shoved past Alice and Rosalie and stormed upstairs to my room. The laughter never stopped.

**A/N: Okay that's all I got for now. I know that may have been slightly cruel, but it was really funny! Edward will forgive me…in time. Please review! The button loves you! Review!**


	2. Lotta Laughs

**A/N: Finally! After much confusion and….stuff, I was able to get Chapter 2 up and running. I'm trying to do 2 stories at once so you see how that could be hectic. Sorry I'm babbling again.**

Chapter 2 - Lotta Laughs

Edward's POV

This was absolutely, utterly, unbelievable! I had taken about a million and six showers and I still smelled like one of Emmett's old gym socks! Let me tell you now, that is not a pleasant aroma! Definitely not something that extra-strength de-odorant could fix. Believe me I had already tried it. I now officially HATE skunks! **( A/N: No offense to any skunks, but Edward has rage to unleash on you. Run!)**

I had just gotten out of the shower for the million and sixth time and changed into some clean clothes. I'd be sure to burn the skunkish ones later. Then, my cell-phone rang from my bedside table.

" Hello." I grumbled unhappily.

" Hey Edward! Why the attitude?"

" I'm sorry Bella. I'm just a little upset with my immature family!"

" Okay…is there an explanation for the angst?" she asked.

" Bella I stink!"

" Oh, don't beat yourself up too much, just tell me what happened."

" No Bella, I literally stink!"

" Umm…Edward, I love you but that kind of sounds like a personal problem.."

"No! I got nailed by a skunk!"

She giggled, " A skunk?"

" Yes! A skunk!"

Then she broke out in fits of laughter.

" Oh not you too!" I shouted.

" I'm …s..sorry," she managed in attempt to catch her breath, " It's…jj.just so funny!"

" I still see no explanation for the humor!" With that, I hung up.

**A/N : Well, there you have it, chapter 2. Hate it? Love it? Want me to shut-up? Tell me in your review! Please review! Please! Please! I'll stop if you do! Please! Please….**


	3. Operation: Stink

**A/N : Thank you to all of the reviews. They get me motivated and make me want to write more. And I also thank my fellow authors on this site who give me comments and suggestions. Now, onto Chapter 3!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Just this story.**

Chapter 3 - Operation: Stink

Normal POV

The Cullen/Hale family ( except Edward, who was still ticked off at the moment) were gathered in the front room.

" I can't take it anymore," Esme whined, " The smell is unbearable!"

" Let's drive out to the woods, leave him out there and ditch him!" Rosalie suggested.

" We are not abandoning Edward," Carlisle said, " He'd probably find his way back."

" Plus, Edward didn't do anything. It's the smell that we hate!" Alice pointed out.

Emmett stood up, " DESTROY THE SMELL!" He demanded.

" But how?" Jasper questioned.

Carlisle thought for a moment, " That's for you and Emmett to figure out."

" WHAT?!" They both shouted.

" Yup. I'm sure that there's enough brainpower between the two of you to come up with a solution for this."

" Brainpower? Are you joking? These are the same idiots who thought it would be funny to use my bra as a slingshot!" Rosalie cried.

" That is harder than it looks," Emmett insisted, " The straps kind of get tangled.."

" Oh my gosh!" Rosalie groaned and buried her face in her hands.

Jasper went back to the subject, " Why do we have to do it?"

" Yeah, you're a doctor! Can't you zap him with some de-stinkafier stuff?" Emmett asked.

" No I can't. Plus, it'll be more entertaining this way." Carlisle said.

Alice stood up, " Well, good luck with Operation: Stink guys, I'm going shopping."

" Do you mind if I go with you? I need a new bra." Rosalie glared and Jasper and Emmett.

" Sure! I don't blame you." As soon as they left, Carlisle was next to leave.

" I should probably do something….not here!" He stood up, and walked out.

Esme shot up, too, " I think I'll go help him with that!" She dashed out of the room. Now it was just Jasper and Emmett, left alone to discuss their plans.

" Operation: Stink…I like that!" Emmett rejoiced.

" You would." Jasper said.

" I have an idea!" Emmett chirped.

" Why do I get the feeling I should be very afraid?" Jasper asked. Emmett didn't answer, he was too wrapped up in his stupid ideas.

" Let's go find our victim, shall we?" He rubbed his hands eagerly together.

Then Emmett and Jasper began their search for Edward.

**A/N: Okay! That was chapter 3. Even though it was a little boring, I hope you guys liked it. I have an idea for what he's going to do next, but if you have any suggestions for the story I'd love to have help. Please review and let me know what you think!**


	4. Fan Girls Attack!

**A/N: Sorry for not updating in a while. I was waiting to see if the story got more reviews, but people like BookVampire02 were getting impatient. BookVampire02 is my best friend in real life if that helps with the confusion. So this is to get her off my back. Just kidding. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight series. I wish I did, but I do not. **

Chapter 4 - Fan Girls Attack!

Normal POV

Operation: Stink was a go, and Emmett was confident that his idea would work. They had everything ready, a hose, soap, and…other stuff. Poor Edward stood in the front yard with them, wearing nothing but a pair of swim trunks (**A/N: Now don't get too excited people.) **

" Guys," he said, " I still don't understand why this is necessary."

" Because you stink," Jasper said, " For the sake of everyone here, it's very necessary!"

" I know, but what good will it do? I've already taken a shower."

" Don't call it a shower," Emmett said, " Call it Extreme Measures. It makes the idea sound more original."

" What does that have to do with anything?"

" Absolutely nothing! Now hold still! Jasper, got turn on the hose!" Emmett ordered.

Jasper sighed unhappily, " What do I look like? A sheepdog?" He grumbled to himself.

It took a little while for the water to start running. When it did, it was really cold.

" SWEET MOTHER MOLASIS," Edward squealed, " EMMETT THAT'S FREEZING!"

" Embrace the cold!" He ordered.

" I can't!"

" You're a freak'n vampire for crying out loud! Suck it up!" Emmett grabbed the soap and tossed it to Edward.

" Use a lot of it." He advised.

" This is so degrading!" Edward whined.

Suddenly, a bunch of Edward fan girls happened to walk by. They noticed what was going on and got a little..excited.

" OOOO! We're washing Edward? WE WANT A PART!!" They shrieked.

" Be our guest ladies." They squealed as Emmett held out the hose for them, and all went grabbing for it at once. That's when Edward realized what was going on, and started to run away. (**A/N: Smart move Eddie.)**

" GET HIM!!" Then the fan girls chased him around the neighborhood for about a good….20 minutes. Eventually, when it's like…10875 against 1, he lost. The girls pinned him down and happily nailed him with the hose.

When the involuntary attack was over, unfortunately, Edward still reeked like Emmett's dirt gym sock.

" Dang it! Looks like we'll have to go with Plan B!" Emmett snapped

**A/N: that's it for that chappie. The next one's the really funny one! It was not easy to type this, seeing as I was eating my lunch at the same time. I know it may have seemed a little out of character with the girls being able to outrun Edward. Just think about it, if about a thousand girls want to see Edward bad enough, you'd bee surprised how fast they run. **

**REVIEW! REVIEW! No flames please!**


	5. Please Read This!

**Author's note: Please read! This is really important!**

**Werewolf Luver246 - Hey guys! Sorry if you got excited because you thought this was a new chapter. I will be posting another soon, I promise! I just wanted to take the time to ask if there's anything you think I should change in the story. I've been getting a lot of mixed reviews, mostly pertaining to the most regarding Chapter 4. I know I kind of made things a little out of fact or character and I want to clarify that I know the facts and personalities in the books. I just sometimes tweak things a little. Normally, negative reviews don't bother me, they help me, but the ones I've been getting lately are bugging me a little. So I want to know if there's anything I need to do to change that. And please, if you don't necessarily like this story, don't just assume all my other ones are bad, too. Things are different in each. Just tell me if there's anything I can change or clarify. Please say things in a nice way, though, even if you hate me, tell me nicely. I'm fragile. LOL! I'm not that bad. Just send a review of this, or send me a message on my homepage. I'd really like to know now, rather than be sorry later if I should've changed something. For those who aren't a fan of this story, this is your chance to have a say!**

**THANKS FANFICTION READERS! YOU ALL DESERVE COOKIES!!**


	6. Plan B

**A/N: Thanks to all the positive and helpful reviewers. For those of you who hate this story and want me to stop writing…too bad! :p You just make me want to keep writing! I live to annoy people, and you just gave me an all new purpose! **

**Disclaimer: The only character I own is the skunk…and quite frankly, that sucks!**

Chapter 6 - Plan B

Normal POV

" What exactly is Plan B?" Edward wondered.

" Funny you should ask that," Emmett started pacing, " It seems as though taking extreme measures didn't work. So now we're taking…extremely extreme measures!"

" What are you saying?" Edward asked.

" MR. HANSBROOK THE P.E.TEACHER IN A SPEEDO!"

" AAAAAHHH!" Edward screamed, covering his eyes.

" Well..that took me out of my comfort zone." Jasper said, even he had no idea why Emmett did that.

" What on earth was that for?" Edward demanded.

" We're going to scare the stink away!" Emmett declared.

" You've got to be kidding me." Jasper groaned.

" BARNEY MAKING OUT WITH BIG BIRD!"

" MERCY!!" Edward begged.

" Emmett, I don't think that putting disturbing images in Edward's mind is going to get rid of the odor." Jasper informed.

Out of nowhere, Emmett held up a random stereo.

" Don't make me do it Jasper." He threatened.

" You wouldn't." A suddenly alarmed Jasper said.

'" I would."

" Seriously?"

"Yep."

" Why?"

Without answering, Emmett pushed the PLAY button. The "Hamster Dance" song came blaring out of the speakers.

" No!!" Jasper fell to the ground, " THIS SONG IS SO EMOTIONALLY DISTURBING!! TURN IT OFF!!"

Emmett laughed and shook his head, " No way dude."

" NOOOO!!" Jasper continued to scream.

Emmett ignored him, and turned his attention back to Edward, who was on the ground shaking by now.

" JACOB BLACK RUNNING A KISSING BOOTH!!"

Then, a bunch of Jacob fan girls (**A/N: Including me!) **came running up.

"WHERE?!" We asked.

" Ummm..over there!" Emmett pointed in a random direction.

"JACOB!WE LOVE YOU!!" Then after that we ran around screaming.

" Emmett! Please stop it! I can't take it anymore!" Edward pleaded.

" Me neither! You're going to land me on Oprah!" Jasper squealed.

" Oh..fine you big babies!" Emmett turned off the stereo, and stopped thinking of evil things (**A/N: Except for the Jacob part, that would be a very good thing!)**

Emmett kneeled down by Edward. He grabbed his arm and sniffed it.

" Dang it! He still stinks!"

" And that surprises you…why?" Jasper asked.

" DON'T MAKE ME PUSH THAT BUTTON AGAIN MISTER!!" Emmett was shaking with hostility by now.

" Umm..E…Emmett?"

"WHAT?!"

" Umm.. I think we should go with my idea this time." Jasper suggested.

" You know what? Fine! If you think you can do a better job, go ahead!"

" Alright I will."

**A/N: This was by far one of the most fun chapters to write. Who thinks that Jasper will have a more sensible idea? Don't ask me! I'll just give it away! BTW I don't know if Mr. Hansbrook is really the P.E. teacher's name, I'm too lazy to look right now so just pretend that it is. Please Review! No flames please!**


	7. Jasper's Idea

A/N: Thanks again to all the reviews

A/N: Thanks again to all the reviews! You guys are incredibly awesome! You make me want to cry tears of joy, but I won't cuz that'd be…awkward..just awkward. Okay, moving on!

**Disclaimer: I only own the evil skunk ;) **

Chapter 7 – Jasper's Idea

Normal POV

" I still don't see why this idea is any better than mine." Emmett complained.

" It's a million times better and you know it!" Jasper insisted.

" Whatever, I still don't get it." Emmett whined.

" And with your IQ ability, you probably never will."

" What are you guys going to do to me now?" Edward gulped.

" Don't worry Edward," Jasper used his power to calm him a bit, " We're not going to torture you this time."

Edward sighed with relief, " Thank goodness."

" We're just going to spray you down with Febreeze instead." Jasper explained.

" What is it with you and Febreeze lately?" Emmett wondered.

" Febreeze is cool. End of discussion."

Emmett snorted, " Hardly. Lysol is so much better. It actually kills germs you know."

" Are you saying Febreeze doesn't?" Jasper questioned.

" Yes. That's exactly what I'm saying."

" Well, still. Febreeze is such a cooler name than Lysol."

" What's wrong with Lysol?" Emmett asked

" I just explained that a minute ago." Jasper said.

" I know a way to settle this…..ROSALIE!!" Emmett called.

" WHAT?!" Rosalie screamed from another room.

" Which is better, Lysol or Febreeze?" He asked.

" WHAT?"

" FEBREEZE OR LYSOL?"

" FEBREEZE!"

" Ha! I knew it!" Jasper said.

" Well…that proves nothing!" Emmett insisted.

" We'll see about that…ALICE!!"

" YES?!"

" IS LYSOL BETTER THAN FEBREEZE?"

" I'D SAY SO, YEAH!"

" See, I told you!" Emmett said.

" I've got a better idea!"

Jasper grabbed the can of Febreeze and sprayed Emmett in the eyes!

" SWEET GRAVY IT BURNS!" He cried.

" I told you it was powerful stuff." Jasper laughed.

" Oh yeah!" Emmett got his own can of Febreeze and sprayed Jasper in the face.

" Crap!" Jasper screamed.

" How do you like your Febreeze now?" Emmett laughed.

" Ummm..guys. Still standing here!" Edward reminded them.

" Oh..yeah." Emmett remembered.

Then he and Jasper started spraying Edward with the Febreeze. But unfortunately, it didn't work. Much like Emmett's other ideas.

" I told you we should have used Lysol." Emmett mumbled under his breath.

A/N: Sorry if that chapter was really bad. I have a major headache right now, maybe that had effect on it. Anyways, I got a few suggestions on what should happen next in the story. I promised my friend briittx xhc that her idea would come next.

**REVIEW OR I WILL BE MAD! I AM I WEREWOLF! I HAVE CLAWS! **


	8. Dream Wedding

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a while! I was at Lifest yesterday, and I got to see my fav band Stellar Kart! It was awesome!**

**Disclaimer: I am owner of the skunk! Proud to admit it….sorta.**

Jasper's POV

After our latest attempt, Emmett was a little..upset. He stormed up to his and Rosalie's room in a very immature manner, stomping loudly on every stair.

" THIS IS MEANT TO EMPHASIZE RAGE!" He screamed. You would think after 100 years or so, the guy would learn to mature a little. Oh well, he'd get over it, he has a very tiny attention span.

I was on the couch reading a book like I usually always am. Alice, was hustling and bustling around all over the place. She can never sit still. She was going over details for Edward and Bella's wedding. I still think Bella was brave to put Alice in charge, this was like a day at the carnival for her.

" Jazzy," she asked, " Do you think I should have Charlie and Renee at the same table?"

" I don't know, maybe you should ask Bella."

" She said she wanted nothing to do with the planning." She whined.

" I'm sure she wouldn't mind answering a simple question." I said.

" I guess." She sighed.

" Alice, honey, maybe you should take a break." I said.

" I can't! This wedding needs to be perfect!" She insisted.

" I honestly don't think Bella and Edward care how perfect it is."

" Bella won't admit it, but this is a very special day for her." Alice said.

" For Bella, or for you?" I asked.

I regretted the question as soon as I asked it, " What do you mean?" She asked.

I sighed, " Look Alice, I know that our wedding wasn't exactly..extravagant. And now it seems like you're planning_ your_ dream wedding for Bella."

She didn't respond at first, she just stared at me. She looked down, like she was contemplating with herself.

" I know." She said. I went over to her and held her in my arms.

" Alice I'm so sorry." I apologized.

She chuckled, " No! It's okay. You're right. I know I've kind of been a pain about this whole thing. I'm really trying my best. Sometimes, I just get a little excited."

" I know, you wouldn't be Alice if you didn't." I laughed.

She laughed too, " And I thought our wedding was just fine."

" Even though it took place in the back of a truck?" I asked.

" Yes, it was very romantic."

Then suddenly, the strangest smell came from the back yard.

" What is that?" I asked.

" I don't know. But I think you'd better check on Emmett." She said, going back to the planning process.

I walked out to the front yard, only to find Emmett, at it again. When I found him, he was pouring Bleach into a bucket.

**A/N: I'm so mean to leave you hanging, I know. I know that chapter really didn't have much to do with the plot. I just needed to have some Alice/Jasper fluff in there. They're my fav couple in Twilight. I kind of made up how their wedding happened. So, I know that part may not be factual. **

**ALL REVIEWERS GET COOKIES! I'M ACTUALLY BAKING SOME RIGHT NOW!**


	9. Laundry Can Give Ideas

A/N: I just thought of this chapter after the one before it

A/N: I just thought of this chapter after the one before it. Thanks for the reviews guys! I've said it a million times before, and I'll say it again, YOU GUYS ROCK SOCKS!

**Special Note: I'm dedicating this chapter to my BFF Bookvampire02. She just got chicken pox and that really sucks! Get better Maddy! I send you virtual cookies! They have chocolate chips in them!**

**This chapter is the same time as Chapter 8. This is what Emmett was doing while Alice and Jasper were having their moment. **

**Disclaimer: The skunk is mine! That's it though..Man!**

Chapter 9 – Laundry Can Give Ideas

Emmett's POV

After the Febreeze fight with Jasper I was really really really mad! Though I think I handled it in a mature way! I stormed upstairs to mine and Rosalie's room and started thinking of ways to get back at stupid, Febreeze – loving Jasper!

I started writing down ways to annoy the snot out of him. I could hide all of his clothes so he'd be stuck in his boxers all day! Brilliant! Wait…no, he'd probably think to look anywhere I'd hide them! Ooo! I know! I'd buy a llama on the internet and stick it in the back of his truck! No. I can't afford a llama. Or I could tell him that Alice and Jacob Black got married secretly. No. Then I'd have Alice and a bunch of Jacob fan girls mad at me (**A/N: Yes! I'd be very, very, mad! I feel the werewolf claws coming out!)**

As I was discussing the possibilities with myself, Rosalie came into the room with a basket of clean clothes.

" I really wish you'd learn to do your own laundry! I'm not your maid you know! And…" Her words turned to blahs in my mind. It feels like we go through the same routine every single day. I'm telling any guys out there, NEVER GET MARRIED UNLESS YOU FEEL LIKE SELF – TORTURE! Seriously, it the same thing! " Do your laundry!" Or, " Pick up your socks you filthy animal!" Though, after a while, you learn to ignore it.

" Emmett Cullen! Are you listening to a word I'm saying?" Rosalie questioned. This woman makes me feel like I'm on Cops!

" You were saying something about a mutant sheep right?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes, " Never mind. I don't know why I waste my time."

She threw the clothes on the bed and started to put them away.

" Is Edward's smell contagious?" She asked.

" Why?"

" Because your clothes smell like they went through a garbage dump!"

" Really?"

" Yeah. Luckily we had extra- strength bleach." She praised.

" Bleach?" I wondered out loud.

" Yeah. It works wonders. If you did the laundry you'd know that!" She said.

A bunch of thoughts went through my head at once. Most had something to do with a monkey dancing and clanking symbols together, but that's not the point! The point was that Bleach might be an answer.

I shot up and ran towards the door.

" Where are you going in such a hurry?" Rose asked.

" I just had a brain spasm!' I informed.

" Oh no! Do I have to get the funnel again?" She groaned.

" No. It's not like the last time. I think for the first time in my life, I actually have a semi-smart idea!"

Rosalie looked at the ceiling, " There is truly a God that heals eternal wounds!"

" I gotta go Rosie! Love you!"

Rosalie looked at the ceiling again as I left, " Thank you for your miracle!"

I ran out to the garage at lightning fast vampire speed! I found the bucket we had used earlier and headed back inside. I went into the laundry room. It was like a winter wonderland in there! There was stuff called soap, and fabric softener with a cute little bear on it! I looked for the Bleach. When I found it, I headed back out to the yard. I twisted the cap off the bottle and started pouring the Bleach into the bucket. The Bleach smelled kind of funky, it would take a while to get used to.

That's when Jasper walked outside…..

**A/N: I really like this chapter! I hope you guys do to! REVIEW! I AM A WEREWOLF WITH CLAWS REMEMBER. And fresh baked cookies! :)**


	10. Bleach Bath

A/N: Okay, so it was really hard for me to figure out how to go about this chapter. I had the main idea, thanks to briiittx xhc, but I had no idea how to make it happen. I think I've got it now!

**Disclaimer: Nothing but the skunk is mine!**

Chapter 10 – Bleach Bath

Normal POV

Jasper walked outside the front door, only to see Emmett pouring Bleach into a bucket.

" Do I even want to know?" He asked.

" Shut-up mister! I'm still mad at you!" Emmett said.

" Right." Jasper rolled his eyes.

" I am! Grrrrr!" Emmett growled.

" Wow, that's so threatening." Jasper sarcastically responded.

" You bet it is!"

" Seriously, what's with the Bleach?"

" Well, if you must know, it's going to get rid of the skunk smell!"

" Wait," Jasper said, " Let me get this straight. You're going to dump a bucket of Bleach on Edward?"

" I thought that was painfully obvious."

" Umm..Emmett, I really don't think that's a good idea…" Jasper warned.

" Oh no you don't! Not this time! You may think you're smarter than me, but I'm not going to let you talk me out of the first brilliant idea I've ever had in my life!"

" Okay, two things," Jasper said, " One: Emmett, a piece of toast is smarter than you! And Two: Have you completely lost your mind?!"

" Yes I have. I'm still yet to find it!" Emmett proudly admitted.

Just then, Edward picked a very bad time to step outside.

" Guys, what's that smell?" He asked.

" You're one to talk!" Emmett defended the Bleach.

" Emmett! You've got a crazy look in your eye!"

" You bet I do! Now hold still!"

" Emmett, what are you…"

Without another comment, Emmett dumped the bucket on Edward.

" Crap! Emmett what was that for?" Edward demanded.

" You seriously don't know by now?"

" Emmett, what have you done!?" Jasper groaned.

" Oh! What do you keep blubbering about?" Emmett asked.

" Edward can tell you later now!"

" Guys," Edward shivered, " Is this stuff supposed to burn?"

**A/N: Alright that's it. I was thinking on joining the next chapter with this one, but then that would get confusing. So I'll just leave it as it is. Wow guys! 40 reviews? That's awesome! Now let's see if we can get more!**

**REVIEW!**


	11. The Wrath of Emmett

A/N: OMG guys! Your reviews have been absolutely awesome! You make me feel so much more special than I really am. LOL!

**Little note thingy: In this chapter they're not trying to get rid of the stink. Emmett is pretty much getting his revenge on Jasper. And Edward has a meltdown!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight….which sucks.**

Chapter 11- The Wrath of Emmett

Emmett's POV

I was so miraculously proud of myself. Why? Because I just used a really big word. Well…not really. But I was able to get my revenge on Jasper! Okay, I'll tell you how it happened.

I was in the living room, watching TV. I was trying to hold in my laughter. Then, Jasper walked in the room, really, really, ticked off. I had to laugh when I saw him, my plan had worked.

" EMMETT! WHERE THE HECK DID YOU PUT MY CLOTHES?" He screamed.

So, you see, I went with Plan A people. I laughed so hard I fell off the couch.

" YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?!" He exasperated.

" HECK YEAH! DUDE, YOU'RE WEARING SPONGEBOB BOXERS!" I gasped between laughs.

" Spongebob is cool. Now what did you do with them?" He asked, trying to calm himself.

" Not telling!"

Just then, party-pooper Edward walked by and totally killed my fun.

" He hid them in Rosalie's closet, Jasper." He said.

" No! Edward! Why do you have to ruin my joy?"

" Because, you poured a bucket of Bleach on me. Yeah, that seems like a lagitament reason!" He said.

" Whatever," I stood up, " I can't stand to be around you fun-haters!"

Edward's POV

After Emmett's little episode, I went upstairs and took a shower to get all this Bleach off.

As you may be able to guess, it served no purpose.

I changed into clean clothes. It wasn't until I looked in the mirror that I noticed why Jasper had been so cautious about the Bleach idea.

" MOTHER OF PEARL!! I'M BLOND!!"

**A/N: So what do you guys think. A blond Edward would be interesting. I need to give credit to briiittx xhc because the Bleach thing was her idea.**

**REVIEW! AND YOU GET COOKIES!**


	12. The Answer

**A/N: Thanks to all the reviews! Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been kind of stuck on this story. I'm also trying to start some other ones so it's been a little time consuming.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

Chapter 12- The Answer

Bella's POV

I felt really bad after my conversation with Edward earlier. I hadn't meant to laugh at him or hurt his feelings. A skunk was just the last thing I'd expected. I decided to visit him later the next day. I hope he still wasn't upset with me. Okay, that was kind of a stupid thing to say. Edward never got mad at me.

I drove the mild distance to the Cullen house. My truck was running slowly these days, making my timing more to be desired. It was probably going to die soon. Well, Edward had insisted buying me a new car, anyway. I think I might give in soon.

I walked up the porch steps, and inside the house. I didn't bother to ring the doorbell or knock. I was practically one of the family, and Esme said it wasn't necessary.

" Hey Jasper," I said, " Where's Edward?"

" I am Edward!" He said.

" But Edward's not blond."

" I am now, thanks to Emmett!" He insisted. I took a step closer and studied his face, which was unmistakably Edward's.

" Oh my gosh! Edward! What happened to you?"

" It's a long story." Suddenly, I had just noticed the weird smell seething through the air.

" What is that?' I covered my nose.

" That would be the skunk." Just then, Emmett and Jasper entered from the back yard.

" See Emmett," Jasper said, " That's why you do not pour Bleach over people's heads!"

" Stop it! You're almost making me feel bad!" Emmett said.

" Hey, look who's here." Jasper finally noticed me.

" Bella!" Emmett gave me one of his famous bear hugs.

" Okay Emmett. Breaking my back!"

" Oh sorry." He put me down.

" So, Emmett, why did you attack Edward with a bucket of bleach?" I asked.

" That's not all," he said, " We also attacked him with water, scary thoughts, Febreeze and fan girls!"

" Umm…why?"

" To get rid of the smell." Jasper. At this rate it was hard to hold it in, I had a giant laugh attack.

" It's not that funny." Emmett pouted.

" Guys, you know, all you have to do is use tomato juice." I said.

" What does drinking tomato juice do?" Jasper questioned.

" You don't make him_ drink_ it. He needs to _bathe_ in it."

" Why in the heck would I want to do that?" Edward looked at me like I was crazy.

" You don't want to smell like a skunk forever do you?"

" No."

" Then trust me." I said. H gave me a quick peck on the lips

" I most certainly do."

**A/N: People wanted more Bella in this story, so I gave her a bigger role. I like writing in her point of view for some reason.**

**Review!**


	13. Grocery Shopping

**A/N: Guess what? I got wet! All because I had to thaw out the chocolate milk! My mom read somewhere that if you freeze milk, it lasts longer, so she put it in the freezer. I had to run it under hot water for like..an hour! Anyways, getting more to the point. Thank you guys for all your support. **

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Not me. Whaaa!**

Chapter 13 - Grocery Shopping

Edward's POV

I took Bella's advice and went with Emmett and Jasper to the grocery store for tomato juice. Please remind me to never do it again! Seriously, we had to literally drag Emmett out of the store. He was absolutely fascinated with everything there! Well, it had been a long time since any of us was inside a grocery store.

" Whoa," his eyes went wide, " Cheese comes in a can now? OOOO! It sprays out! Weee!"

" Great," Jasper rolled his eyes, " Now we're going to have to pay for that."

" Emmett, make your fascination useful and go find tomato juice."

" Eye-eye Captain Crunch!" He saluted and ran off.

" I have an idea," Jasper whispered , " Let's_ not_ bring him by the cereal section."

As if we weren't attracting enough attention with Emmett running around like a two year-old, people kept staring at me. Probably because I smelled. I just wanted to get out as soon as possible.

When we checked out, the total came up to about a hundred dollars worth of extra things we didn't need, thanks to Emmett who eventually found the cereal isle.

Oh well, at least Bella won't run out of food for a while. I hope she likes Captain Crunch and Spray Cheese.

**A/N: I know that chapter was a little short, but it's definitely one of my favorites so far! I'll write more later. I need to get started on a new story. I hope you guys like my new ones as much as you like this. Tell your friends to read " The Journey of the Lonely Werewolf." I'd like to get more reviews on that one. For now, you should review this one.**

**( sings) Review! Review! Reeeeeeview!**


	14. Cured At Last!

**A/N: You know what's funny? I got root beer and I suddenly feel motivated to write more! Amazing, I know. As I have said before, all I need is root beer and I'm content. Of course, I need the Twilight series too but who could live without that?**

**Disclaimer: I am owner of the skunk, but he has ran away! Whaaa! Why does he hate me so?**

Chapter 14- Cured At Last

Edward's POV

I still felt really strange for doing this, but if Bella said it would work, I was sure it would. I used the can opener to open like…eighteen cans of tomato juice. Again, I refuse to go shopping with Emmett ever again! I poured each can into the bath tub. The aroma of tomatoes was really over powering. I was completely convinced that it would dominate the skunk smell. It had to. If it didn't I'd have to wear a sack over my head for the rest of my life, move to Canada and change my name to Paul! The three reasons why I couldn't do that, One: It would be far away from Bella, Two: I have no idea what Canada's full national anthem is, Three: I am not nor will I ever be a Paul! Alright, now that I've proved my point, I stepped into the tub and laid down in the tomato juice. This was seriously gross!

I soaked in tomato juice for a full hour, just like Bella told me to. I wrapped a towel around me and drained the tub. Now, all that was left to do was test the results. I changed into clean clothes and headed downstairs.

The first person I found was Emmett. He was elbow deep in a box of Captain Crunch.

" What are you doing?" I asked in the most concerned way I could.

" I'm trying to get the prize!"

" Okay…yeah."

Suddenly, Emmett started sniffing. He stepped closer to me and sniffed my shoulder.

" Emmett, what are you.. what doesn't stink?" Jasper asked, entering the room.

" Yes! It worked!" I cheered.

" Let me get this straight, you just bathed in a bunch of ketchup and suddenly you're fresh as a pine forest?!" Emmett asked.

" Pretty much…yes!"

Then Bella walked in the front door. She had left a few hours ago to go make dinner for Charlie. I literally ran up to her and lifted her off the ground, and captured her in the biggest hug I could conjure up.

" Thank you! Thank you! Thank you so much, Bella!" I said.

" As long as you don't stink anymore, that's thanks enough for me." she said.

Esme looked up from the magazine she was reading. We actually didn't notice she was there until just then.

" So he doesn't smell anymore?" She asked.

" Nope." Bella answered.

Esme tore the nose plug off and breated in the fresh air, " Ahhh..much better."

Then Emmett started squealing like an idiot.

" I FOUND THE PRIZE! IT'S A BOUNCY BALL!" Then he started bouncing that stupid ball all over the place. Seriously, what does Rosalie see in that child? Never mind, I probably don't want to know. I have to hear their thought every night, (if you know what I mean.)

" Umm…Edward." Bella said.

" Yes, love?" I asked.

" You kind of smell like tomatoes."

**A/N: I know what you're thinking but it's still not over! There's still one more chapter to go! Alas, cuz I still have root beer! Seriously, REVIEW! REVIEW!REVIEW!**

**P.S: Seriously, has anybody seen my skunk?!**


	15. A Little Drop of Chaos

**A/N: Okay…final chapter people. Really, really sad, I know. I might cry, but I won't. I wouldn't be able to type well with tears in my eyes. Cry for me!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I still can't find Broderick ( that's the skunk's name). **

Chapter 15 - 

Jasper's POV

I knew the whole skunk situation wouldn't end easily right from the beginning. For some odd reason, Alice went back to the grocery store and bought more tomato juice! She said that it might come in handy for later, but she didn't tell me anything else. Oh well, who am I to question her visions, even if I don't know what they are. Carlisle and Esme were in the front room, probably enjoying the fresh air. I headed toward the back door.

" I'm going hunting." I said.

" Wait Jasper," Carlisle said, " Would you mind taking Emmett with you?"

I groaned, " Haven't we had enough Emmett and Jasper bonding time?"

" Could you just take him, please? He's driving us crazy with that stupid bouncy ball!" Esme begged.

" Fine. I'll take him, but from now on I charge babysitting fees!" I said.

Meanwhile………………………………...

Edward's POV

It wasn't long before things returned to normal. Alice was prancing around, wrapped up in daydreams. Bella was being pulled into her charades more and more lately. She basically did whatever Alice did. Hmm…I wonder if Alice has mind-control as a second ability.

" C'mon Eddie! You're going shopping with me and Bella!"

" Why do I have to come? Doesn't Jasper usually carry your bags?" I asked.

" Yes, but we made you an appointment for your hair. You as a blond just doesn't work."

" They have hair places in the mall now?" I asked.

" Yeah! I try to get Jasper to go with me all the time! You've seen his hair! But he just says, " Okay, I'll carry your purse at the mall once in a while, but I draw the line at becoming your personal Barbie doll!"" (**A/N: Okay, I officially have no idea how to do a quote within a quote!)** It surprised me how she could say it imitating Jasper's southern accent perfectly.

" Impressive. Do you practice that?"

" When I have spare time. Now come on!" Then she dragged me out of the room.

Meanwhile………………………………...

Jasper's POV

I have no idea what I did to possibly deserve this! Hunting with Emmett was a form of punishment all its own. Sure, I had gone hunting with him before, but today, he was wound up more than usual. I'd given up trying to calm him, my powers seem to have no effect on Emmett.

I had finished long before he did. He was taking forever!

" Emmett! Are you almost done? Seriously!" I called out.

" Yeah! One sec!"

I rolled my eyes and checked my watch. Well, this had taken two hours longer than it should have! Finally, Emmett appeared by my side.

" Okay! All done!" He chirped.

" Great! Now can we go please!" I urged.

We started walking, but it didn't take long for Emmett's small attention span to be distracted by something.

" Jasper look! It's a kitty!" he said.

" Just keep walking Emmett!' I said. But he didn't listen to me, he just ran over to the "kitty" . I ran over to him.

" Wait! Emmett that's not…" But I was too late with the warning.

The skunk had gotten us both.

**A/N: The end! I'm happier now! Broderick came back! Yaayyy! After he sprayed Jasper and emmett, he ran off in the woods again. Then I was sad again. But then Jacob Black returned him to me. Thanks for running away Broderick! If you hadn't, Jacob wouldn't have personally returned you! And I wouldn't have a date with him next Friday! :P**

**REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! MMMMM…COOKIES! FUI, I can't eat all these by myself! Review, and take some off my hands!**


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